Brynnes ramblings

The other day I was talking to a friend and we were talking about being open to talking with people.   I had to confess that I am really not good with being open and sharing what I think.   What I really noticed though is I am very open to sharing what I am feeling here on my blog page though.   Maybe it’s because I am not face to face.   I have always been one to keep my relationships with people at a arms length distance.  I have always been afraid that if they got to know me they would I guess not like me.  Maybe that’s why I am so guarded in sharing or talking one on one with people.   So I have decided that I am going to make an effort into changing that area in my life.

The other day I was really thinking of how I missed working my last job.   It is so interesting I remember when I first started traveling I really was apprehensive.    I was pretty sure that I was not going to like all the traveling and being away from home.   After a few months I really started to like the traveling.   As I look back on it I met the coolest people and made some of my best friends through the traveling.   I think that’s what I really miss about not working my last job.    There still is that part of me that feels lost because I still have not found a job yet.   It is funny how we define ourselves a lot by the job we work.   It is forcing me to have to redefine myself a little.   Sometimes it is hard to take a good hard honest look at ourselves.  My may not like what we see.

Our babies are getting pretty big.   The sure have not been enjoying the hot rainy weather that we have been having lately.   Tonight they were enjoying the cooler evening weather after I moved their coop to fresh grass. 

After all the rain we have had the last few days I finally was able to mow the yard that so badly needed it.  People probably think Im crazy when they drive by and see me smiling while I mow.   I really enjoy the mower and it just puts me in a happy place when I mow.

Time for a new suitcase.

I have been thinking a lot about how I hold on to hurt and disappointment that has happened in my life.  I think of myself as predominately a positive person.   However I seem to have some baggage or hurt that I hold on too for too long.    For me I seem to categorize the hurt into two types, family and friends and acquaintances in life.

What I have found true for me is that I seem to put more weight to the family hurt.   I think what is worse is for some reason I seem to hold onto the hurt baggage longer as well.    

Because I work in the aviation industry my mind thinks about bags in a probably different way than most people.  I have done my fair share of loading suitcases in my life.   When I travel currently I have a huge big suitcase,  I love how much it holds.  It is able hold enough cloths for about a 18 day trip without having to do any laundry.  When it is fully packed this thing is so heavy, but it has a handle and wheels to pull it and it is manageable though.

In life my suitcase to hold my life’s hurts is also similar and I sure can pack lots of hurt and disappointment in it.  Like my real life suitcase it is not divided, I just stuff and stuff things in until the zipper barely closes it.  There is no order to it so if I need to find something everything is going to be pulled out.

My point to this analogy is about a year ago I was flying home and claimed my bag in JFK I noticed that one wheel had been broken was not working well.   I needed to walk about 5 blocks to our office to get to my car to head home after a long trip.  About half way to the office the wheel finally completely fell off.  So I had to carry it by the handle a few blocks.  It was not bad because it was really light and I didn't really think anything of it.   So for a year I have been using this suitcase and I works well,  I do most of my travel in a car so I don’t need the wheels to work on it, until my one of my last trips.    I was on the west coast for about 3 weeks and then on the east coast for a while.   So you can imagine I packed that suitcase until it was over bulging!  So much so that I would not fit in the trunk of the Camaro that I was driving in Seattle.  I had to put it in the front seat.  I really didn't think much about it leaving at first because the plan was to ride our own planes so it wouldn't be a issue with weight and we are always brought out to the planes so I would not have to carry it far.  On the way home the plan changed I ended up having to fly a commercial airline back to JFK to where my car was.  When I got to pick up my suitcase at the baggage carousel all I could think of was how far I was going to have to carry this heavy bag and my way heavy backpack that I used for a carry on.  I am pretty strong person but I was really not looking forward carrying it.    I struggled with the bag to get it on the air train and off to the Federal Circle.   My only hope was that there would be someone in our Operations Dept. could come give me a ride.  However it was midnight though and the likelihood was not in my favor.  I was so ever thankful when I made the call and Pleasant answered the phone and was able to come get me.  I was lucky this time but may not be the next time, so I am in a hunt for a new suitcase.

Like my real life suitcase my  suitcase for my baggage needs to be upgraded as well.   My old suitcase has gone through my life and done well for me, but it is worn out.  I also want to down size it to a manageable size, this means I need to go back through my life’s hurts and start discarding to fit my new suitcase.  It is scary for me to go through all of the old hurts but I have been carrying around way too much for way too long .   How is your suitcase?  Is it overfull like mine?

Change is in the air.

With fall coming change seems to be in the air.  Working for a commercial cargo airline I am used to change in my life.  Currently we are looking for a new place to live in Rock Hill, SC our oldest will be attending college at Winthrop.  It sure adds a unique stress in trying to find a place that meets everyone’s needs.    Between having pets, trying to be within walking distance of the college and being close to a good middle school we sure have a tall order for a house to rent J   In the past when we have moved it has always been because of my job changing.  With my current job it is nice that we have the option of living almost anywhere we want.  That sure makes it nice for our family at the current time.

 Brenna and I looked at several houses yesterday and think we finally have a handle on 2 houses that would fit our families need. Here is our favorite one.

Change is also in the air for my job as well.  For the last year I have been traveling and working at the McGuire AFB.  I really enjoy the areas and it really has become my home away from home.  I stay in New Hope, PA and is such a great town.  I have met some great friends there and have made it my  2nd Home for sure.  I am so looking forward to getting back there.  It looks like for the next couple of months I may not be spending as much time in my 2^nd home though.  I will be helping cover JFK base and working on getting my airport badge for Anchorage, AK and Chicago, IL as well.    I do have fond memories of the Anchorage airport, and when we lived there we really did enjoy the area!  When we lived there I really did work way too much, I always had 2 or 3 jobs at once.  Because of this I was not home much and we didn’t get to enjoy the area as much as we should have though L.      I am hoping that I can get back to my routine of staying 18 days a month at my 2^nd home though.  I really like having a constant in my life, so now having the job changing and home house changing it does add a bit of stress in life for sure.

I know that in the past change has always been good for myself and our family so I am really looking forward to what the new changes will bring. 

Eagle Scouts

I have been pondering the Boy Scouts of America’s ban on gay membership and leadership.   Being part of the LGBT community I take it to heart that they are discriminating against a selected class of people. 

I have been watching the movement on how more and more Eagle Scouts are renouncing there Eagle Scout Awards.   This is a very powerful statement I think, and I am hoping that BSA is not taking this lightly.  I think that currently only 5% of the boys will obtain an Eagle Scout award.   For these boys it involves a lot of time and dedication and huge amount of work.  The boys must have been in some form of leadership, earn 21 different merit badges,  plan and work a service project for the award, and make it through a board of review.    This is why I say that renouncing ones Eagle Scout Award is a big deal.

As an Eagle Scout I personally don’t know where I sit on renouncing the Eagle Scout Award.   I have 2 differing views on the situation.

My first view is that by renouncing my Eagle Scout I am making a onetime statement to the BSA.  I am not sure at this point how effective it is to the organization.

My second though is to not renounce it and try to become more actively involved in the organization and groups to try to make positive changes in the BSA policies.

Being an Eagle Scout has given me the strength and courage and skills, to drive through so many of life’s though roads.   

Being a trans women I don’t talk that much about my scouting experiences now, but it has given my great usable life skills that I have used throughout my adult life and continue to use to this day.   I think that every boy should have that chance regardless of their sexuality or gender.

Trip to Gravity Hill Farm

On Tuesday Sara brought me along to a wonderful farm that sell some great produce.   What was so cool is all the produce that was for sale had just been picked that day.   I bought some salad and yellow beans.  It so wonderful to have such fresh produce, the taste is so much better!

After we bought our produce we went to see the animals the best part J   They have Llamas, alpacas, chickens and goats there.   I really love Llamas; I just think they are so cute and cuddly.   

These had been shaved recently so they were kind of homely in a cute way. I’m sure they are enjoying having shorter fur though with the summer heat coming on though.  We also spent time with the goats as well.  They were so friendly and just loved to get attention. 

Here is a link to their web page Gravity Hill Farm gravityhillfarm

non-eventful

I am here at my home away from home downstairs eating some really good Chinese veggie stir-fry!  Thinking back on my last week all I really can say is Blahhhhhh.   Nothing really sticks out as being extraordinarily good or bad.  You know it’s kind of funny how human nature its.  We are always seem to be striving or wanting more out of life.  I can remember over the last few years just longing for the normalcy in life.  Now that I have it, or as close to it as one can in the aviation industry it’s not enough.  Maybe because of having all the ups and downs in life over the last few years I just am not used to having a non-eventful  life?

    

I am feeling lucky because I will only be out of town for 11 days this rotation.  I think that Tina and I are starting to get used to me traveling.  It still is hard for us to leave each other, but it’s also really nice to have the uninterrupted time together when I’m off though.  We seem as a family to be able to spend better quality time now as compared to when I was working at home in Charleston.

While I was doing my daily walk and enjoying the great weather here today I took this photo of this tree that was full of blooms, it was so pretty.  

Spring time

When I was walking last night, I think that this is my favorite time of the year is spring.  The temperature is just right, the mornings are cool and the days don’t get too hot either. 

I love that all the plants and animals seem to have this sense that the winter is over and everything is turning fresh and new.  The grass is turning a nice shade of green and the trees are budding out and blossoming.  The flowers are showing off their beautiful colors giving off great scents for everyone to smell.

In life we all go through the winter blues, some winters longer are longer than others.  Then we hit the spring time of things and start off new again.   In lots of ways I see our family as well as myself hitting a spring time.  This spring I don’t want to take it for granted like I have in the past, and want to enjoy it before life takes us into the summer.