A bit lonely.

This trip has seems like it will never end and I really have not been gone too long.   It may be because I will only have had 6 days off this month and traveled most of them.  I think for me though is really being lonely had hit me the hardest.   When I traveled to PA and stayed at the Inn everyone there is more than a fiend they are like my 2^nd family.  Traveling down here to Miami I have really not had time to meet that many people.  I have been so fortunate to meet this cool person Jules that is down here for a year.  She came over the other day and it really helped so much with the loneliness.  Sense we have moved to the new town I have only stay at the new house 3 night and they really weren't full night either because of traveling.   I guess I feel like I don’t have a place to call home yet?  At some point after the 1^st of the year I should have more time home and can start to feel like I belong there.   Being gone as much as I am I really am concerned about finding and meeting friends.   I am blessed with having my spouse and 2 children at the house so there is that comfort.

Yesterday morning I got to put a faces to some voices that I have been hearing when I was in my hotel room.   These people that are staying next to me are so loud!   The husband and wife are always fighting, bickering and such.  I was down having a late breakfast in the lobby and these people were waiting for someone.  I thought I recognize the guy voice but really not too sure.  It was a pretty good size group of people and you could tell they were family.   Then this lady comes down and just starts in at this guy, screaming at the top of her lungs right there in the lobby.  He starts yelling back at her; yep they are the mystery people staying next to me that yell all night long at each other.  I can only speculate on how long they have been married, but given their age it seems that they have been married probably for more than 40 years.  The way the family responded really indicated that this is a normal thing on their part.   I think every marriage has some dysfunction; I am so happy that Tina and I are not like that though.

My last weeks travels

I have been busy from my last post.   I have driven around 3000 miles in about a week’s worth of time.

A brief summary I drove from Miami home, and then the next day we drove to Tina’s mom’s house in Pennsylvania. The following day Tina and I drove up to New Hope Pa to spend a night at the Fox and Hound Inn to celebrate our 20^th Anniversary; we were kind of late being it was the 3^rd of the month but this has been the only time that I have been home though. The next day we drove back to her mom’s house so we could do Thanksgiving the next day.  The day after thanksgiving we drove home and the next day I drove to Miami back to work.

Out of the whole trip the time with Tina was so special to me.   It has been over a year sense we have spent any alone time without the girls.   What really made it special was that we stayed at The Fox & Hound Inn.  For us it is such a special place with many cool memories as a couple. For me I have so many happy memories from there and it really is my second home because of the amount of time I have spent there this year.  The last time Tina was there was when she and the girls joined me for last Christmas.   What really made this visit cool was we got to stay in room 101.  Because I have stayed at the Inn so much I have names for all the rooms but this room is the most special room out of them by far.   I call this the Rebirth room, being it was the room I recovered from after surgery and it is the starting of the new phase of life for both Tina and I.   So when I was booking this trip I was overjoyed that we could spend a night in the room and it was very fitting to celebrate our anniversary.   That night we started celebrating with a nice bottle of wine and got to share it with Sara my good friend that works there.  It was so nice to catch up on what was happening in her life and share what was happening in ours as well.  Lisa and Michael the owners of the Inn joined us later on and we all had a great time talking.   After that we headed off to dinner at DeAnna's for a wonderful dinner.  It was so romantic and the food was so good!   It was such a nice way of to end a wonderful day with Tina, what a way to reconnect with each other. 

Wine Tasting

When I travel I always like to go to a new church.  I did my usual Google search and came up with Plymouth Congregational Church.  I really liked how old the church was and also they did say they were accepting and affirming so I thought I would give it a try.   I really did enjoy the service and loved what the pastor talked about in his sermon.  In one of the readings of the bible that they did was of how women for many years had been bleeding and touched Jesus garment and was healed.   He piggy backed on that on how touch is so important to us today.     He gave many examples of how we communicate by touch in many different ways, or when things are tough we reach out to touch the ones that we love.

It really hit home for me especially over the last month.  Recently we just had to put Abby to sleep when we were moving to Rock Hill.   Interestingly one of the ways that Abby and I really communicated was for me to hold her paw.   It was a way that we showed each other our love.  She loved to have her paw held, she would sit up on my lap and put her paw on my had to be held and sit there and purr up a storm.  As she was passing, I did get to hold her paw one last time.   Sure was a hard time for both Tina and I, and we reached out to hold each other’s hands as well.  We have always reached out to hold each other’s hands when things get tough.  I think we all need a hand to be held once and a while, I’m sure glad that I have Tina’s to be there for me. 

On a happier note one of the things that they mentioned in the service was a wine tasting event in conjunction with St Stephens Church that evening.   It really did peak my interest, I have never been to a wine tasting before.  St Stephens’s church’s AIDS ministry was putting it on as a fund raiser for their ministry.   Normally I am really shy and will not try new things by myself much less go somewhere I really don’t know anyone.   However it was held at a wine store about 3 blocks from the hotel I am staying and I really did want to see the wine store so I gathered up my courage and took a walk up to it.  I was so shocked at how nice and welcoming the people were.   They greeted me and treated me so nice and friendly, I so didn't expect that.    A nice couple George and his husband Manuel and Lydia took me under their wings and introduced me to so many people.  We had such a good time talking, drinking good wine and eating some really good appetizers.   It really reminded me that I need to keep pushing myself to get out more, because if I wouldn't have done that I would have missed out on so much. 

Weeks Reflections

I had time the other day to as is was relaxing at this wonderful beach to reflect on the last week’s events. 

 I think the highlight has been that Tina and I celebrated our 20^th wedding anniversary on the 3^rd.   I look back at the years and they seem like they have just flown by.  Like most couples we have had our ups and downs but all in all I feel so blessed to have Tina in my life.   As I was showing pictures of Tina and I to a friend the other day she said we have a true love story.  I think that her comment really does sum up our relationship so well.

A couple of post back I was talking about my suitcase and all the baggage we carry in life, I related it to my broken suitcase that I had.   Well I finally bought a new suitcase J

My baggage in life I have also been working hard in clearing excess out that I have been carrying around too.  With the recent move I think that will is going to really help.   I also have a few relationships that have been toxic as well.  I have been addressing them and either trying to fix them or limit the effect they have in life on me. I always find the family relationships to be the most troubling, I feel like I owe more to the relationships because they are family, but how far is too much?

Our family and animals are adjusting to the new house.  I think Brenna and I made the right choice on picking houses.  

Oh the stress of moving!

This last week has been very stressful.  We are in our final night here in a hotel in Rock Hill SC.  We will finish unpacking what’s left of our move tomorrow.   We started our journey when I got back from working in Miami on the 18^th.   We had a huge garage sale on the weekend of the the 20^th and 21^st.  I was shocked we made $980 between the two days.  However I was bummed that we did not get our refrigerator sold and the ping pong table though.  On Tuesday Brenna and I went up to Rock Hill to get the keys for the new house and try to get the utilities set up.  But we got a late start so we didn't get everything set up and to top it off the house was not cleaned like the landlord had promised.   We went up the following day and got all the utilities set up and spent 6 hours cleaning the house.  We got back home at 1am, we were so beat.   The 25^th we picked up a 20’ U-Haul truck and I so thought that it would be too big.  I was so wrong, we packed it full!   Oh my we have accumulated a lot of things sense we have move in to that house.  On Friday we got everything packed and cleaned the house up.  We wanted to leave the house cleaner then when we rented it.   Up until this point we were extremely stressed out, and this is when the stress went over the top though.  We have had one of our cats that has been a bit sick lately so I thought that I should take there to the vet to see what was going on with her before the trip to our new home.  They did all kinds of test and determined that she had a mass on here intestinal area.   They were not sure if she would make it through a surgery or if they could even do surgery on her and what quality of life she would have even.  Tina and I had to make such a hard decision on what we should do for her.  Oh we so struggled with what was the right decision.  We decided to have her put to sleep. We didn't want her to face any future needless pain and suffering. It was the hardest thing Tina and I have had to do; she was such a great part of our family.  She has brought our family so much joy and love.  Tina and I were so glad that we could be with her as she passed though.  I am also thankful that the staff was so kind to us in that hard time for us. 

After that hard time we did last touched of cleaning of the house and left for Rock Hill.  That was one of the hardest drives that I have had to do,  all the emotions of leaving the town that we have been in for 6 years.   There has been so many good memories there, and with the the passing of our cat added it made it a very emotional drive and lots of crying.

Unloading the truck was so much easier; I back the truck up to the front door and put the ramp from the truck onto the front porch.  I was able to bypass the steps into the house and made it a lot easier.  In a post before I talked about how I used some skills from my past male life.  Here is were it came in handy again.  I worked for a rent to own store and got pretty handy with a appliance dolly and moving appliances and furniture.  I was able to show Brenna how to move all the big things with a dolly.  She was amazed. 

We will be spending the night tomorrow for the 1^st time in the house.  We have been so blessed that I have had a lot of hotel points.  I have used them to stay in both Charleston and Rock Hill.  It has made it a lot easier to not stress on getting things packed and unpacked. 

This move have been very physically challenging for me, I think I am getting too old to be moving all this heavy stuff around.  The mental side of it has hit both Tina and I really hard.  As we are getting settled things are starting to unwind finally.  We have always grown in many ways when we have moved so I am looking forward to see what new ways we will grow as a family and individually as well.

A long few days. (Past experiences come to my rescue)

This weekend was a whirlwind of craziness.   It all started out Thursday I worked a shift at the JFK airport from 4pm to 4am.   I got off work and packed the car and drove 12 hours to get home for Tina’s birthday. I surprised Tina for here birthday,  she didn't think i would be home once again.  It was great to see her and the girls event though it was just for the night. I got up the next day on Saturday and got 2 new tires on the car because I got a flat on the way home of Friday L.  At around 2 pm I finally was able to get on the road to drive to Miami.  It took be just a bit over 8 hours, then I worked all-night and got off around 830 am.    So to sum it up I drove 1300 miles in a few days, and I had 2 days that I was up about 30 hours at a time. 

I had 2 instances over the weekend that really made me thankful for my past experiences in my so called past life.   I think that I am blessed to have them and most women would never have the chance to have them so in a lots of ways I feel very lucky.

On my way home Friday I had just passed into North Carolina coming from the JFK airport.  I was driving along and all of a sudden I get the dash lighting up that I have a flat tire.   I pulled off at the exit that was coming up and pulled into a gas station figuring that I my need air in a tire.   I got out and my left front tire was leaking air pretty good and had a bulge in the side wall.  My 1st thought was what a way to add to my already long day being up for 24 hours already.  So I go inside and the gas station and get a nice cold Pepsi and  use the restroom.   I come out to the now flat tire.   Here is where my past experience comes to my rescue.  Back in the day as I call it I used to work for my Uncle in a tire and wire rope shop.  A flat tire really doesn't intimidate me in anyway.  I get down to business; pull the spare tire out of the trunk and all the implements that are packaged nice and neatly with the spare tire.  I notice that there are 2 older gentlemen sitting on the curb outside of convenience store watching me,  as I am getting ready to jack up the car they come over and ask nicely if I need help. From what I can see on there faces its is  mostly because I am woman and for sure can’t change a tire.  I politely say oh no thanks I can get it, they walk away and sit down to watch just knowing that I have no idea what I'm doing.  In about 10 minutes I have the spare on and everything packed away, and I didn't even get my shirt dirty.  They were in shock J  I just look at them and smile and get back to my trip home.   I am thankful that my VW had a full size spare being I had 320 miles left to drive home. 

My Second experience happened when I got down here in Miami.  I have been sent down to help our other Loadmaster Camille out.   I got in really late around midnight Saturday and checked into the hotel and headed out to the airport to watch the operation.  I am really just counting on observing the operation and learning how they do things.  When I got to the airport I was met by Camille who was very panicked because the plane was do in around 5am and the cargo build crew was short handed by about 4 people and had only build 6 out of 18 pallets needed for the flight.  At the rate they were going there was no way they would get it done even by departure time.   Once again here is were my previous past life came to the rescue.   About 8 years ago before transitioning I ran a warehouse that built and broke down freight for a cargo airline.   I have a vast amount of experience in that area, and again you would never expect a woman to have that.   I went to the lead of the crew and asked if he would like help, he was very stressed out and agreed to let me help.  I could see in his and his small crews eyes that they was very apprehensive.   I figured that my efforts would be best used by running the forklift and building up pallets.  Needless to say they were shocked that a woman could run forklift much less build freight like I could.  I build faster than one of their seasoned workers was even though I was well out of practice.   After a few hours we got everything all built in time for the flight.  I ended up building 1/2 of the freight for that flight.   Once again I am so thankful for my previous experiences in life.

After a few long days now I can rest and relax and start to explore Miami a little bit.

  

Time for a new suitcase.

I have been thinking a lot about how I hold on to hurt and disappointment that has happened in my life.  I think of myself as predominately a positive person.   However I seem to have some baggage or hurt that I hold on too for too long.    For me I seem to categorize the hurt into two types, family and friends and acquaintances in life.

What I have found true for me is that I seem to put more weight to the family hurt.   I think what is worse is for some reason I seem to hold onto the hurt baggage longer as well.    

Because I work in the aviation industry my mind thinks about bags in a probably different way than most people.  I have done my fair share of loading suitcases in my life.   When I travel currently I have a huge big suitcase,  I love how much it holds.  It is able hold enough cloths for about a 18 day trip without having to do any laundry.  When it is fully packed this thing is so heavy, but it has a handle and wheels to pull it and it is manageable though.

In life my suitcase to hold my life’s hurts is also similar and I sure can pack lots of hurt and disappointment in it.  Like my real life suitcase it is not divided, I just stuff and stuff things in until the zipper barely closes it.  There is no order to it so if I need to find something everything is going to be pulled out.

My point to this analogy is about a year ago I was flying home and claimed my bag in JFK I noticed that one wheel had been broken was not working well.   I needed to walk about 5 blocks to our office to get to my car to head home after a long trip.  About half way to the office the wheel finally completely fell off.  So I had to carry it by the handle a few blocks.  It was not bad because it was really light and I didn't really think anything of it.   So for a year I have been using this suitcase and I works well,  I do most of my travel in a car so I don’t need the wheels to work on it, until my one of my last trips.    I was on the west coast for about 3 weeks and then on the east coast for a while.   So you can imagine I packed that suitcase until it was over bulging!  So much so that I would not fit in the trunk of the Camaro that I was driving in Seattle.  I had to put it in the front seat.  I really didn't think much about it leaving at first because the plan was to ride our own planes so it wouldn't be a issue with weight and we are always brought out to the planes so I would not have to carry it far.  On the way home the plan changed I ended up having to fly a commercial airline back to JFK to where my car was.  When I got to pick up my suitcase at the baggage carousel all I could think of was how far I was going to have to carry this heavy bag and my way heavy backpack that I used for a carry on.  I am pretty strong person but I was really not looking forward carrying it.    I struggled with the bag to get it on the air train and off to the Federal Circle.   My only hope was that there would be someone in our Operations Dept. could come give me a ride.  However it was midnight though and the likelihood was not in my favor.  I was so ever thankful when I made the call and Pleasant answered the phone and was able to come get me.  I was lucky this time but may not be the next time, so I am in a hunt for a new suitcase.

Like my real life suitcase my  suitcase for my baggage needs to be upgraded as well.   My old suitcase has gone through my life and done well for me, but it is worn out.  I also want to down size it to a manageable size, this means I need to go back through my life’s hurts and start discarding to fit my new suitcase.  It is scary for me to go through all of the old hurts but I have been carrying around way too much for way too long .   How is your suitcase?  Is it overfull like mine?